Have you ever had those moments in your life when your responsibilities were so overwhelming that you’ve just had enough? A couple of months ago (around early to mid-August), I was having emotional breakdowns and shutdowns – and even throwing tantrums like a frustrated child, yikes! – due to the anxiety from all of my responsibilities that just kept accumulating, even though I knew that those changes were coming.
I’m employed full-time (remotely), and I am still a homemaker. Then, we added a German Shepherd puppy, who is the handful that I absolutely adore, to our family in late June. Then, we started homeschooling at the beginning of August. That was the straw that broke this camel’s back, mainly because my children kept rudely interrupting my workflow with their fighting when they were supposed to be quietly learning (or, at least, that was how I envisioned it beforehand).
About a week or two into homeschooling, my anxiety and stress were so elevated that I just began collapsing under the weight of all my responsibilities. Even after being employed for several months, my family still expected me to do all of the things that I did when my only role was a stay-at-home mother with my children in public school; and, quite frankly, I had those same expectations of myself. I’m 32 years old – I should be able to handle it all gracefully… right?
First Attempt
I’ve been wanting to live a more slow and simple life for at least the past several months, since around late winter/early spring, and for years without realization; but, as with every change that’s more personal, I’m extremely slow at implementation. (I take slow and steady literally, huh?)
So, I finally decided that enough was enough and officially began my first attempt to live a slower and simpler life in late June, with rudimentary goals. For work, we create personal OKRs (i.e. Objectives & Key Results) every quarter that we discuss in our weekly team meetings. My personal Objective for Quarter 3 (July 1st – September 30th) was to “Live a slow, simple life with the focus on loving God and loving people (Matthew 22:37-40).” I had four main Key Results that were basically to simplify my routines, and to cultivate my relationships with God and certain people in my life through prayer and/or quality communication and relationship.
There’s a story found in the Bible that the Lord’s been convicting me of for about the past four years:
Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”
And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42, NKJV
Like Martha being worried and troubled with many things instead of enjoying peace in Jesus’s presence like her sister, Mary, I struggle with the busyness of life and tend to prioritize cleaning and other housework above spending quality time with the people and the God I love. I’m an introvert who becomes so engrossed in my tasks, in being able to eliminate items on my Dockets, that I tend to ignore everything and every one else around me. It just makes me extremely anxious when I am unable to do the things that I “need” – or I feel that I need, rather – to do with so many interruptions.
Though the act of serving itself is important, I wanted to begin with simplifying my routines. I wanted relationship-centered routines as opposed to task-focused routines, to take that time out to be “interrupted” by my family – all within reason, of course. Less tasks on my Dockets would enable me to form the the habits of being present and slowing down, and to prioritize relationships over those routine tasks. Less housework was just required.
I did well enough with my OKRs at first; it was a good start. By the end of July, I managed to simplify my routines to the bare minimum. Then, we started homeschooling at the beginning of August, and that’s when I started falling apart; as a result, I hid back in survive mode. Though, with the accountability of having to share my progress during our weekly team meeting, I didn’t fully surrender to the overwhelm.
Second Attempt Added
My second attempt to live a more slower, simpler life had two parts and was an addition to my personal OKRs; I started both parts around mid- to late August. The first part was our 2nd annual house declutter. I was feeling, once again, burdened with too much inventory in our house to manage practically alone. So, systematically and relentlessly decluttering our entire house (except for my children’s rooms) over the course of about a month, during the weekends, helped me and the entire family. It temporarily – oh, so very temporarily – inspired me to delegate tasks to my children so that I could focus on the cleaning that I actually wanted or had the capacity to do, and it liberated more quality time to spend with my family. The second part of my second attempt was to actually write all of my slow and simple living goals, which I now review on a weekly basis. They give me a much needed visual reminder to be mindful of what I’m doing and even why I’m doing it.
I am still somewhat struggling with managing all of my responsibilities efficiently – I tend to quickly forget the lessons that I learn and have to relearn them until they are deeply ingrained. But, I am slowly and surely cultivating a simpler, slower life. I’m learning how to do less but better and how to prioritize things that I actually want to do – like being more present with my husband and children – instead of only obsessively cleaning or trying to maniacally complete all of the tasks on my dockets. I’ve learned the reasons why I’m so obsessed with cleaning, which has helped me begin to set realistic expectations for myself. I’m learning how to be worried and troubled by less things and enjoy peace in Jesus’ presence in everything I do. I’m not there yet, and I do feel like a failure a lot; but, when I view it from a realistic perspective, I truly have made some encouraging progress in the past four months since I officially started. (And it’s only been four months, c’mon!)
I know that I will only continue to make progress, though slow and steady my pace may be, because I am passionately committed to cultivating a slower, simpler life for my family and me. Craving simplicity amidst the overwhelm of maintaining more responsibilities than ever before is the catalyst for this change. I am bound and determined to reduce anxiety and stress, foster contentedness and joy, and release time to focus on things that truly matter to me. Living a more slow and simple life, as Jesus did – with the focus on loving God and others, and even learning to love myself – is the path that I am taking to get me there.
Simply Amber Marie 